Post by kc9gld on Feb 16, 2007 4:03:59 GMT
OH, THOSE MEN AND WOMEN!
Male bash fest:
(1) How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.
(2) Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
(3) How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened.
(4) What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
(5) How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
(6) Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
(7) Why don't men have mid-life crisis? They're stuck in adolescence.
(8) How is being in a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
(9) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
(10) What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
(11) Ever wonder why the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness 40 years? The men in charge refused to ask for directions.
(12) Is it possible to change a man? Not unless he's in diapers.
(13) What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
(14) If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.
(15) Why isn't it good to let a man's mind wander? It's too little to be out alone.
(16) Why should women go for younger men? Because men never mature anyway.
(17) Men are all the same, they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.
(18) Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
(19) Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
(20) What's the best way to get a man to do something? Suggest that he is too old for it.
(21) Where do you find a committed man? Look in a mental hospital.
(22) Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
(23) How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
(24) What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
(25) Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask directions.
(26) How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the e-mail folder "instruction manual."
(27) Sadly, all men are created equal.
(28) Here are the top ten things that men will never say:
Sometimes I just want to be held.
We haven't been to the mall in ages, let's go shop and I'll hold your purse.
Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.
No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
I understand.
Don't pick that up, I got it.
Happy Anniversary!!!
Hey, isn't today your mother's birthday?
Let's talk, I miss talking.
I was wrong.
Male bash fest:
(1) How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.
(2) Why are blonde jokes so short? So men can remember them.
(3) How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened.
(4) What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
(5) How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes.
(6) Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
(7) Why don't men have mid-life crisis? They're stuck in adolescence.
(8) How is being in a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
(9) What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
(10) What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
(11) Ever wonder why the children of Israel wandered in the wilderness 40 years? The men in charge refused to ask for directions.
(12) Is it possible to change a man? Not unless he's in diapers.
(13) What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
(14) If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.
(15) Why isn't it good to let a man's mind wander? It's too little to be out alone.
(16) Why should women go for younger men? Because men never mature anyway.
(17) Men are all the same, they just have different faces so that you can tell them apart.
(18) Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
(19) Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
(20) What's the best way to get a man to do something? Suggest that he is too old for it.
(21) Where do you find a committed man? Look in a mental hospital.
(22) Why do little boys whine? Because they're practicing to be men.
(23) How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
(24) What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
(25) Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask directions.
(26) How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the e-mail folder "instruction manual."
(27) Sadly, all men are created equal.
(28) Here are the top ten things that men will never say:
Sometimes I just want to be held.
We haven't been to the mall in ages, let's go shop and I'll hold your purse.
Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.
No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.
I understand.
Don't pick that up, I got it.
Happy Anniversary!!!
Hey, isn't today your mother's birthday?
Let's talk, I miss talking.
I was wrong.
